I remember our childhood, it was amazing together. She was my ride or die. The most assertive between the two of us and was there to defend me. I remember going around our neighborhood with our small dishes; on top of our heads selling vegetables and tomatoes, calling out loud in our native Shona language (muriwo, madomasi, onyenzi). And then coming back most times with empty dishes.
She was my confidante, although she was younger than me, we knew each other’s secrets; deepest to the core secrets. In retrospect we didn’t really have much secrets, but we always talked. She was my best friend, my confidante and my little sister. When she told me she was pregnant at 17 in her very cool and calm way, i thought she was joking. She was telling me that our father had probably received the CIMAS (Medical Insurance) letter with a pregnancy test written on it as the account was in his name, (I don’t really remember). She said she was worried but didn’t seem like she was that scared to me, that’s why i thought she was being funny. Although i was older, i was a bit naive and didn’t believe her.
Everything happened so fast after that, she was indeed pregnant and the next thing, she was married. Seemed she was in love. She seemed happy and at that point i was happy for her, although i don’t recall much with regards my emotions. In retrospect though, i wonder, was it out of ignorance that she wasn’t protected?. It seemed normal for teenage girls to be married off. Apparently, it was happening in the community and even in my family, that girls got married or were married off early. Like in the case of my elder sister who was found at a neighbour’s place and was asked to go back and that’s how she went to become a wife as a teenager, or my aunty’s daughter who had been with her ‘boyfriend’ and “she chose”, (like who asks a teenager, a child, if they want to be married or not?) and the family and society deemed it OK.
All these girls, teenagers, children themselves getting into marriage and starting families.
My younger sister Tuki, had big dreams, she told me one day when i visited her at her husband’s place that she was interested in interior design at some point. She was an amazing cook and wonderful mother even at that young age. She was strong, resilient and full of life.
In retrospect she might have gone through too much for her young age, marrying at 17; a teen mother, a teen wife and suddenly dealing with issues of marriage and extended family. I guess i was young and everything seemed black and white that i didn’t really process how she really felt about her circumstances and so many changes in her life. It was just the way it was.
When she died at 21; i didn’t really understand it. I feel i didn’t process the loss, i might have swept the pain under the rug and i moved on with my life.
Waves of the grief would only come much later and for me it was much later. I would occasionally think of her, how her life would have turned out. I would wonder and brush it off and went on with my days and life.
One day, after many many years; in a different continent i saw her. A spitting image of my little sister, my beloved friend. I was in a state and i cried so hard as i hugged that little girl who looked like and reminded me of my young sister. Of course there was a confused look on this child’s face, this stranger crying, hugging her. She didn’t understand why i was crying so deep.
My sister, i missed her so. Sometimes i don’t even remember her and at times she is so vivid in my heart and memories. How does grief and pain do this, how does it do this?.
Today, in commemorating the day of the girl child, (the 11th of October) i remember you. I remember you and every other girl who lost their innocence, who lost their rights and some who lost their lives.
These issues that are still occurring in our society where girls are sometimes not protected; married off young and society looks on as normal.
As i now deal with young people, i am advocating against child marriages and i am passionate about young people so they get a voice and a chance.
Awareness needs to be raised on issues to do with HIV and Aids, early child marriages, child abuse; to mention but a few of the issues that girls go through. Which they don’t have to go through.
Girls have a right to be protected, they have a right to information, a right to education, a right to opportunities, a right to be given chances whether they make mistakes or are forced by society to get into compromising situations. Girls have a right to information to make informed decisions with regards their lives, their bodies and to have a future.
Girls need to be given the right to own their voices, to own their power and to have possibilities.